


It's hard to dance with a devil on your back

by lisianpeia



Category: Pacific Rim (Movies)
Genre: Angst, Beta Wanted, Bisexual Male Character, Canon Disabled Character, Drift Bond, Drifting, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Ghost Drifting, M/M, Mako Mori Lives, Mind Control, Possession, Post-Canon, Post-Movie: Pacific Rim: Uprising (2018), Psychological Trauma, Suicidal Thoughts, Uprising Spoilers, there is a bit of a fix-it, there it is
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-21
Updated: 2019-04-23
Packaged: 2019-04-26 00:25:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14390244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lisianpeia/pseuds/lisianpeia
Summary: As the bourbon is slowly drank away, an idea starts to fight its way out of his grief-stricken and inebriate brain. “What if we killed her?”Jake is clearly surprised and a little scared at his question, probably because they were talking about Shao, “What? Who?”“Alice.”*Or in which some very clever people try to get Newt back through some kaiju-brain killing and Drift sessions.





	1. Now all of the landscape, it's just an empty place (acres of longing, mountains of tenderness)

**Author's Note:**

> Story title is from Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Landscape by Florence and the Machine.

“He was such a jerk.”

“Yes, well, Newton, not everyone can share your love for these monstrosities-“

“It’s not like that-”

“ _Especially_ someone who’s lost a brother in fighting them.” Hermann continues talking louder above Newton and he deflates at that. “When you put it like that,” he mumbles. They each go about their own work, Newton with his loud music and Hermann with his numbers until, “Hey, Hermann, I wanted to run an idea by you, can you talk?”

“Give me a few moments.” Thirty minutes later, he drops his pencil and looks up, “Yes?” Newton was already back inside kaiju entrails and has to release himself from the protective apparatus. Newton finishes taking his gloves off and sits on Hermann’s table.

He inhales ready to give a well-deserved rant – he’s asked Newton _not_ to sit on his desk so many times -, but the wind is knocked out of him when Newton opens his mouth and the sentence “I wanna kiss you” comes out.

Newton is crushing the calculations he has just finished and Hermann can’t bring himself to berate him. He actually can’t articulate more than a startled “What?” accompanied by continuous blinking.

“I wanna kiss you.” Newton repeats in the most matter-of-fact tone possible.

“I… I heard you, I just…” He cannot figure out if this is some sort of twisted joke. Newton’s many things, but cruel is not one of them. His words fail him again and he has to recur to “What?”

Newton throws his hands on the air, “What’s what? It’s a pretty simple statement to grasp, dude.”

Now Hermann’s thoroughly pissed off and “Last I heard, you are straight,” comes out through gritted teeth.

Newton gets up from the desk and starts pacing, “Yeah, you see, when I first felt like kissing you,” and now Hermann is wondering how long that has been going on, “I was confused myself. I kinda started reevaluating and exploring my sexuality and I realized I’m bisexual. I’m very confused on which verbs to use for this… I basically just started noticing guys, starting by you,” he stops to point towards Hermann, “and I mean, we are _cute_ , you know? And hot and attractive. Anyway, I don’t know if I’ve always felt this way or if somewhere along the way I changed. Can a person’s sexuality change?” He throws his hands in the air, “I don’t know, dude. The thing is, I’m still attracted to women, so I think bisexual is where I fit in. Why was I saying all of this? Oh, yeah, I wanna kiss you.” Newton finishes looking unsure and it’s a look Hermann rarely sees on him.

Hermann’s mind is still catching up and there’s a high probability his mouth a bit agape. “I mean, unless… You are gay, right? Or… actually, a more inclusive way of putting this would be, you are not straight, right? I remember you hitting on that guy on the Rio conference.”

“Gay.” Hermann finally manages to make his vocal cords work.

“Great then!” Newton says happily as if he has discovered a new type of kaiju anatomy and then his face falls, “Oh. You’re not interested. That’s totally cool, man.”

“That’s not it,” he rushes it out.

“Then… you _are_ interested?” Newton sounds hopeful.

He definitely was. For what some might call a long time now. He had broken one of the most important rules in the book: do not become attracted by your straight friend. _Friend?_ _Lab partner?_ It doesn’t matter, not at this point. He isn’t sure why he’s scared. Maybe it’s the ending. Not of losing the war _per say_. Even if they won… What would happen then? They wouldn’t be everyday on the lab. Newton would have no reason to stay. Unless _he_ became reason enough, which he had never been to… well, anyone.  Searching for a common ground between his fear and desire he answers, “We are humanity’s last line of defense. Maybe we should…” This distinctly feels like self-sabotage, Hermann knows it. They probably won’t even make it out alive.

“You wanna revisit this after we win?”

“Yes.” Newton’s confidence was as shocking as the statement that started this conversation.

“Great! Good idea. I’ll put a pin on that.”

Of course, they didn’t know the end was just around the corner. As expected, there was a party after they won. Hermann had never felt so dislocated and at easy at the same time. The two reactions to a gathering of people were obviously the side effect of the drift and he kept wondering if Newton was feeling the same way. They had been separated on their way to the hanger, where masses of people were welcoming Mako and Raleigh. After congratulating and expressing his appreciation for their hard work – which they insisted was mutual, much to Hermann’s embarrassment -, he went to the lab. He needed some quiet to recompose his thoughts.

That’s where Newton finds him, standing in the middle of the room, one foot on each side of the lab – subtlety was never one of his virtues.

“Shouldn’t you be out there enjoying your… how did you called it? Oh yes, _your rock star moment_.” Newton laughs after taking a swig out of his bottle. “Yeah, well, someone got into my head.” There is the answer to his query. “What is it, man?”

“I… I’m bigger on the inside.” Hermann says tentatively and Newton bursts out laughing. “Dude, that’s from Doctor Who! I can’t believe it! I’m in your head too! I never thought I’d hear you quote Doctor-“

That’s when Hermann started his learning curve on the best ways to shut Newton up. He wasn’t sure where he got the courage to do so, but it was probably the drift. He had seen… _felt_ how Newton appreciated him and his company, even when they raged on at each other for the smallest of reasons. Maybe Newton wouldn’t leave, after all.

* * *

 

 _Alice_. Hermann first heard that name five years after Newton left the Shatterdome. They met at a conference. _Met_ is a terrible way to describe the event, actually. Because Hermann had known Newton would be there, of course. Out of morbid curiosity, he goes to Newton’s lecture. He’s a speaker himself, but if he were to be honest – which he wasn’t, not back then -, he only wanted to see Newton.

Newton was different. Specifically, he was dressing different and some of his manners were more subtle. Working in the private sector that was only to be expected. Still, it was a bit of a shock. At some point Newton noticed he was in the audience and afterwards came to talk to him. That was the last thing Hermann wanted. Not being able to escape he struggled through three lines of small talk and that’s when Newton drops the name Alice. He’s embarrassed even now of the face he must have made. Had it shown how much he still missed Newton? How betrayed, granted without cause, he felt? It probably did. He excused himself abruptly and went straight to the airport. _Was that Newton asking for help? Or the Precursos trying to acquire one more puppet?_ He thinks it’s the former, but that’s probably his guilt speaking.

He removes his hand from the glass cylinder in Newton’s bedroom. Only then does he notices the silence and the closed door. Jake Pentecost had brought a team to search through Newton’s apartment and had asked him to come along. If he would like, that is. He doesn’t know what they were hoping to find, but Pentecost didn’t seem surprised by the kaiju brain.

They had just saved the world a second time three days ago. This time everything felt different. There were parties, Hermann’s sure of that, but everything was more subdue. It had all happened so fast. If he barely felt inclined to participate in crowded celebrations ten years ago, this time… He shakes his head. _How didn’t anyone notice? How didn’t_ he _notice?_ _Since when was Newton under the Precursos’ control?_  

He leaves the bedroom to find Pentecost Junior sitting at the kitchen table drinking a beer. “We finished this room. I sent the guys out for a while.” Hermann still can’t figure out why Jake’s being so… _kind_ towards him.  Given how most people have started to stare at him or outright avoid him in the corridors, he supposes he should be thankful. Especially since Jake is the one in charge of Newton. That information is courtesy of Tendo, but Hermann has no idea what it means.

There’s a bottle of bourbon on the bar. His brand. An insignificant detail that still manages to make him catch his breath. He opens the bottle to pour, but in the last minute decides against it. _What the hell_ and he just carries the whole bottle to the table. Jake seems unsurprised by this, which isn’t a good sign. As soon as he sits, Jake says “We have a team of doctors, led by Dr. Costa, working on him. You know who she is?”

“Neuroscientist and psychiatrist. Been working with pilots since the Jaeger program began.”

“Yep.”

Hermann takes a sip out of his glass. “That’s why you have brought me here? You wanted to discuss him?”

Jake looks annoyed at this “I _asked_ you here because you care about him.”  There is a silence charged with suspicion, at least on his end. “I remember you two from my Shatterdome days. I don’t think I ever talked to you, but Newt and I talked a few times,” he smiles, “he introduced me to some real cool music.”

“That does sound like Newton. Or, at least, the one I used to know.” Jake finishes what appears to be his second beer and moves on to a third. He considers pointing out a Marshal shouldn’t be drinking on the job. Even if Jake is just an interim Marshal.

“Look, I know you two were friends and that you dated for some time,” Hermann is pleasantly surprise Jake can get this sentence out with little to none embarrassment. Everyone always assumes he is shy or private. To a degree, he is indeed shy, but that is not why he doesn’t like to discuss Newton or what they had. It has been long enough that he can admit it’s pride. He was unceremoniously dumped. There he was, making all sorts of plans for the future, even considering getting a damn cat because his lover wanted one. And then… there was no lover. Now he can't help but wonder… Did _he_ leave Hermann or did _them_? _How many life-defining unanswered questions can one person endure?_

He pulls his attention back to the conversation at hand. “I just thought you’d like to be involved and Dr. Costa thinks you can help. Our primary concern is-“

“Getting information to assist in your war.”

“Mate,” Jake’s getting impatient, “I didn’t wanna say it, but it’s not in your best interest to antagonize anyone. Also, unless you are resigning, it’s _our_ war. Can I try this again?” Besides feeling properly ashamed for the chiding, Jake is right, so Hermann just nods.

“Our primary concern is _to get him back_. Yes, we want information, but even if we weren’t concerned about him, we won’t get anything in the state he’s in.” Which implies they had tried, but Hermann decides not to comment on that.

“Who’s we?”

“What?”

“Who’s concerned?”

“I am, Dr. Costa is… and I’m sure Mako will be when she wakes up. We all know what you two did the last time around. There would be no world to save a second time if it weren’t for you guys.”

 _Mako_. “Newton almost got her killed.”

“She won’t hold that against him. It wasn’t him. And she always spoke of you guys with the utmost respect. Her words, not mine. Can you believe we were brought up together?”

Hermann gives him a tight smile, “It’s mutual. How is she?”

“Last I heard from Raleigh, she was out of the woods.” From there on, the conversation moves on to several topics. Repairs, chain of command, Liwen Shao, etc.

As the bourbon is slowly drank away, an idea starts to fight its way out of his grief-stricken and inebriate brain. “What if we killed her?” Jake is clearly surprised and a little scared at his question, probably because they were talking about Shao, “What? Who?”

“ _Alice._ ”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have this mapped out and some parts of it already written. It's shaping up to be around 20k-30k words. A friend of mine reviewed this first chapter (thanks, G!).
> 
> Beta wanted: English is not my first language, so I could use some help from a beta reader in that department. I'd also be glad to hear someone's thoughts on things like plot logic, avoiding OOC, etc. 
> 
> The way Newt talks about bissexuality is based entirely on my own experience as a bi woman. I apologize if anyone felt offended by anything in that paragraph, it wasn't my intention. If anyone wants to talk about it, I'm always open to it.
> 
> Also, yeah, Mako lives. I honestly won't even try to explain that. The helicopter wasn't that high when it fell? It didn't explode? Really, whatever rocks your boat.


	2. I keep on moving in the spaces where you used to be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Pure Feeling, by Florence and the Machine. 
> 
> Again, thanks to G for helping me out with this.

_That's definitely a new nightmare_. Well, sort of. It was similar to the one he'd had in the last four days. Newton's laugh is still echoing in his head when he gets out of bed. It follows him to the kitchen, where he puts the kettle on and waits patiently for the water to boil. His nightmares persists on being uncreative, its coloring varying from kaiju blue to drift blue. This time they were at the PPDC and Newton had laughed when he said he still had nightmares.

Ten years ago, when they closed the Breach, the Shatterdome got caught in a sort of inertia. After a decade of always running, trying to keep up with the kaiju, everyone seemed to slow down. Except for Marshal Hansen, who kept on, refusing to grief. Most people understood and kept their distance. Even Tendo and Newton, with their _cheerful_ disposition, knew not to meddle. What little work they did in the following weeks was per his direct request and no one dared to deny him. Hermann was terrible at comforting people, so he did his best at work and gave Hansen a bottle of whisky. Not that Hansen looked like he wanted to be offered comfort, although Mako did get him to talk about Charles once.

The kettle whistles bringing him back to the present and he takes his tea to the living room. He scoffs. Like he had ever left the past. He was currently residing in one of the apartments they were considering for rent when Newton left. At the time, Hermann had convinced himself it made no sense looking for other places. It was a good apartment and near the PPDC. It had nothing to do with the fact that this was Newton’s favorite. Maybe his subconscious had decided to stay in the same place. That way if Newton ever came back, he knew where to look for him. He grimaced. He had become truly pathetic.

News of him and Newton travelled fast, which wasn’t a surprise. There was no showcasing, but they weren’t trying to hide it. Tendo had even walked into the lab one day yelling finally. For them, the weeks following their first kiss was a haze of sex, ghost drifting and watching terrible movies Newton was sure Hermann would like. He didn’t. Not most of them, anyway. He didn’t care. After years of pining, all he wanted was to be with Newton. Even if it meant watching some horrendous movie called Death Proof.

Life eventually restarted for the Shatterdome. Press conferences started to happen - much to his despair, Newton was right, they had become rock stars. Everyone was grateful, declaring they had never once doubted the Jaeger program. The UN pretended they had never closed them down and no one mentioned the anti-kaiju wall. Still, everywhere people were debating what should happen to the Jaeger program now that the kaiju war was over. Hansen, capitalizing on public opinion, argued that the Precursors might try to invade Earth again and humanity had to be prepared. That got him years’ worth of funding.

The PPDC started to restructure itself and by the time Hansen officially asked them to stay as heads of the K-Science division, they already had their answer. Research under war was rushed and chaotic. They would finally have time to publish all the papers they had planned over the years, maybe even have some graduate students. If they wanted to continue studying K-Science, the PPDC was the place to be. Especially since the terms Hansen was offering allowed outside lectures and partnerships with research institutes. Everything was falling into place, they had even found the perfect apartment. At least, that’s what Hermann thought.

They had been together for a year when Newton decided to leave. _I don’t wanna be here anymore_ , he had stated when they were packing their belongings from the lab. Hermann had been distracted trying to sort through papers of calculations and he offhandedly answered _what are you on about now?_

_I don’t wanna be with you anymore_. That was it. Not with a bang but a whimper.

He should have known something was wrong _._ He now remembered how Newton’s behavior had become erratic, even for him. How their ghost drifting had started to wane. How he was fixated on handling the kaiju-parts move from one lab to the other ( _you know how sloppy these movers can be_ ). He sighs and starts getting up to rinse the mug but has to sit back down. A week without proper sleep was killing his leg. Honestly, it was killing his everything.

In the newest version of his nightmare, after Newton had laughed at his confession, they were back at their old lab. Hermann was at his blackboard and Newton was dissecting kaiju parts. Except- except when Hermann had glanced at Newton’s side the roles were reversed. Newton was lying down, his face a mixture of pain and delight, skull wide open and a Precursor was cutting out pieces of his brain. Hermann had just shrugged and gone back to his numbers. He had woken up with a cold deep in his bones, which the tea had done nothing to alleviate. Maybe a bath would help.

He couldn't suppress the guilt overwhelming him. If there was a chance Hermann could help, of course he would. Besides, guilt wasn’t the only reason he would do this. He cared… as a friend, and… There was no point in trying to fool himself anymore. He still had feelings for Newton. But it had been ten years. He had changed and Newton… had been possessed by an alien race. _This feels like a trashy sci-fi movie_. He couldn’t even be sure if the other man would still be interested.  What did it say of him that this was one of the things troubling him? Was he this selfish? Yes. Yes, he was. If they were able to bring Newton back, could they one day salvage anything out of this mess?

  

After his conversation with Gottlieb, Jake ordered his team back into the apartment.  He called Dr. Costa while they searched the bedroom. Apparently, she had come to the same conclusion as Gottlieb: killing the kaiju brain gave Newt the best chance of recovery.

He had gone straight to the hospital and was now standing at Mako’s door. Out of the woods doesn’t necessarily means good _._ Two broken ribs, a broken arm, a concussion and some internal bleeding. That’s exactly how the doctor had described. _Some_ internal bleeding. Shouldn’t it be a more technical term? He decided against asking this after realizing the doctor was a bit touchy.

  _And you’re sure she doesn’t need surgery?_

_Mr. Pentecost, I haven’t the slightest idea how you go about piloting those giant robots. But I do know how to be a doctor._

Geez, it was only the third time he was asking. He thinks. Anyway, the important thing was, she seemed to be recovering. She was safe. Not thanks to him, but still safe. He’d let her down many times over the years. Still, she had always been there for him. _You are family_ , she’d say. What was he missing of life with his sister by pretending not to care about anything? And when she had needed him the most, he had failed her.

Right now, things were chaotic. The Sectary-General was supposed to be their link with the United Nations. In the following chaos of Mako’s accident, Quan being killed and kaiju showing up, no one was worried about hierarchy or contacting the UN. They marched ahead with one thing in mind, killing those fuckers. Now he and Nate were in charge of things and the UN was starting to demand an explanation for what had happened. It’s one thing to be in charge of the cadets or even rangers. But the whole thing? He keeps wondering if people know he still plays videogames. He just wanted to lie down and… Well, that was the other thing. He didn’t know what he wanted. More specifically, _who_ he wanted.

“Are you going to stand there or are you going to come in?”

Jake gives Raleigh a half-smile. “She looks better.”

“Doctor says she is.”

“How are _you_ doing?” Raleigh shrugs, which is something Jake’s come to learn he does a lot. Especially when it’s something he doesn’t wanna talk about. “How’s everything at the PPDC?” Jake sits and takes a deep breath. “That bad?” Raleigh laughs.

“We haven’t even released a public statement. The papers are going for ‘they opened another breach’ and we are letting them go with it. Which makes me feel like crap, ‘cause I don’t wanna lie to people. I have no idea how it was the first time around, but this time no one was expecting the end of the world. People are relieved and happy, of course. But there’s so much to sort through… Like, property damage. Nate’s handling that. I mean, we broke a ton of shit, that’s bad, I know. But we were fighting a _goddamn_ megakaiju. What the _fuck_ were we supposed to do?” Jake shakes his head, looks at Mako- _what the hell is he doing_ , “Mate, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be complaining-“

Raleigh waves him off, “Don’t worry about it. It takes my mind off things.”

“Yeah?” Jake won’t admit it, but he’s eager to vent. “Wanna hear our biggest problem?” Raleigh nods, “Everyone wants to know who’s to blame for what happened. Liwen Shao is the real surprise in all this. She admitted to her company’s liability and is trying to help. Still… I keep waiting for people to bring up my father’s name.” Raleigh frowns and Jake elaborates, “Record shows he ordered Newt to do the second drift.”

“That makes no sense, it isn’t his fault. He was fighting a war. It was the best way to get information that ended up being vital to our victory.”

Jake shrugs. “You don’t think he’s responsible for what happened to Newt?”

“That’s also collateral.” Jake’s taken aback by this. “Wait. That sounded cold, it’s not what I meant,” Raleigh leans forward, “I’m not saying what happened to Newt isn’t horrible, I’m saying it’s no one’s fault and there’s no sense in pointing fingers. Or, you know, we could just blame the assholes who are _still_ trying to colonize our world.”

“Thank you! That’s what I’ve been saying.”

“How’s Newt?”

“I’m not sure, mate. Medical is in charge of him, they’ve got him sedated. The idea is to meet in the next few days. Dr. Costa actually thinks Gottlieb can help.”

“And how’s Hermann?”

“Doing his best not to fall apart, apparently. Thinks no one can notice.”

“It was the same when Newt left. After we closed the breach, we all sort of…” Raleigh chuckles, “ _drifted_ together. We saved the world and we gained a lot in the way,” glancing at Mako, “but the losses… Herc had to be the boss while mourning Chuck.” Raleigh stops, the silence stretches, and Jake thinks he’s done until, “It’s a small club, you’ll soon realize. The people who were there at the _almost_ end… You’ve got to stick together.”  Jake gives a solemn nod – at least he hopes it is one – and lets that sink in.

Raleigh sighs, “Still, Mako was always better at dealing with Hermann, she’ll know what to do.”

“I almost forgot to tell you, Marshal Hansen is coming out of retirement.” That gets a smile on Raleigh’s face. “Nate and I can hold the fort for a while, but we need a grown up.” He looks sideways at Raleigh, “Please, don’t tell him I said that.” The other pilot smiles and they sit in silence, keeping her vigil.

 


	3. Can the city forgive, I hear its sad song

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Long & Lost by Florence and the Machine.

Even when you save the world, you still have to write reports. Luckily, the majority of his staff is efficient. It’s been seven days since the attack and the four sectors of K-Science have handed in situational reports. He was even able to call a meeting this morning to outline the next steps for each sector. The hazmat officers were containing the battle site and the harvesters still had plenty of material to collect. Even so, the head cryptozoologist – who is still furious at Hermann for analyzing the kaiju parts in Obsidian Fury - assured him they had enough samples to analyze.  

K-Watch was divided between monitoring the new breaches and solving their most pressing concern: how the kaiju-Jaeger hybrids had opened those breaches in the first place. If they are to take the war to the Anteverse, they need a way to get there. He is indirectly involved in this task.

Miss Shao asked for his assistance with Newton’s secret subroutine. The code is similar to his own programming, which Shao seemed to notice. In their first day of work, she mentioned her surprise in Newton’s sophisticated coding. If she had outright asked him if this was a result of their drift, he might have indulged her curiosity. They have been studying the program, trying to understand if the hybrids behavior came directly from the Precursors or if Newton programed any of it. If it’s the last case, it might give them a clue about opening the breaches. The two of them were also working with Miss Reyes to improve on his technology for deploying Jaegers.

Some people were clearly second guessing his ability to head K-Science given everything that had happened. Namely his involvement with Newton. He had learned in the last decade to appreciate the respect of his colleagues. It made leading them easier and more enjoyable. Right now, he couldn’t care less what people were saying of him, which didn’t seemed like a healthy attitude. His superiors still trusted him to do his work and that was more than enough for now.

The grapevine had abated somewhat with the arrival of Marshal Hansen. Hermann isn’t sure if it’s because people have a new topic of gossip or if it’s due to Hansen’s endorsement. The Marshal had arrived two days before and K-Science had been one of his first stops. He made a show of shaking Hermann’s hand, stating how crucial the scientist had been to both their victories against the Precursors. Later that day Hansen had dropped by Hermann’s office to leave a bottle of bourbon.

He wasn’t the only one publicly supporting Hermann. Tendo came by his office at least once a day. He usually brought tea, and sometimes news on Mako’s recovery. She had woken up lucid yesterday and would be going home within the next week. At least they had some good news. He knew he had some form of friendship in Herc and Tendo. He supposes it's hard to save the world together and not form some kind of bond. Nevertheless, their willingness to stand by him - and Newton, come to think of it - still baffled him. He had no idea how to thank them for it.

He is walking towards the meeting with medical to discuss Newton’s condition when he sees Pentecost and Raleigh through the glass walls. They are outside the conference room where the meeting is taking place.

It hasn’t been that long since Hermann last saw the pilot, but Raleigh hugs him all the same. He has this habit of barging in on personal spaces. “What are you doing here?” He asks, trying not to be rude.

“Morale.” Raleigh says matter-of-factly. _Of course._ It’s so obvious Hermann cannot believe he asked. He now realizes people are staring in his direction for different reasons than lately.

“Mate!” Jake throws his hands in the air. “We agreed we wouldn’t say anything.”

“Jake, the guy’s a genius. You really think he wouldn’t have figure it out?”

From the look on Jake’s face, that thought hadn’t cross his mind. “Yeah, yeah, fair enough.”

“Is it… alright if I come to the hospital?” Hermann asks quietly.

“What kind of question is that? You know if you don’t she’ll kick your ass later!” Raleigh puts a hand on his shoulder. “We’ve got your back. And Newton’s.” Hermann smiles, nods, and hopes it’s enough to convey his gratitude, because he doesn’t think he can speak right now. It's peculiar how difficult it is for him to disassociate himself from Newton. To the point where he feels guilty over Mako’s accident and is surprised when people don’t hold him responsible for it.

“We should get going.” Jake says maneuvering them inside the conference room. Herc is already there talking to the neuroscientist in charge of Newton’s care. Dr. Costa, a dark-skinned woman around her sixties, offers him a smile. “Dr. Gottlieb. I believe we met once.”

“Yes, hello.” Hermann shakes the proffered hand thinking Newton would love her purple dreadlocks. She greets Raleigh in a similar fashion, politely inquiring after Mako’s state.

“I’ll be following this closely, but Ranger Pentecost is in charge of this operation,” Hansen announces after everyone is seated, motioning for Jake to take the lead.

Jake nods. “As we all know, Dr. Costa and her team have been examining Newt and devising a treatment plan. Dr. Gottlieb, who she believes can help, has agreed to take part. Today she’s going to share with us what they have so far.” If Hermann had to guess, he would say Pentecost had rehearsed his line.

“Thank you, Ranger. I imagine you all have many questions. I hope to be able to answer most them, but there is much we still don’t understand. I’d like to start by stating our hypothesis on his current state. From what we’ve gathered so far, we believe there are two separate beings inside Dr. Geiszler’s head. Himself and a corrupted part of him, which we’ve been calling Precursor-Geiszler. It’s crucial to differentiate between them.” She pauses at this, seemly reading the room.

“Like a… split personality?” Jake sounds puzzled, but Dr. Costa was clearly expecting this.

“The correct term is dissociative identity disorder, but we are avoiding using it because we aren’t sure it’s appropriate. But if the metaphor helps, feel free to use it amongst yourselves.”

“So Newt’s mind has… merged with the hivemind? Like, they brain washed him?” Raleigh asks sounding skeptical. It’s funny where we draw the line. Gigantic monsters from another dimension attacking our world under orders from a colonizing race? Fine. This same colonizing race taking control of a human mind trough a neural link? _Crazy._

“We think so, yes. We can’t be sure to what extent, though. Records from the equipment on his house show frequent drifts, especially in earlier years, between 2026 and 2030. We believe there was a point in which the Precursors had infiltrated enough of his mind to give them control over his body. At the same time, he was still regularly drifting with the kaiju brain in recent times. This could mean the Precursors needed the neural link to retain control over Precursor-Geiszler. Which is why we think destroying the brain is enough to server the link with the hivemind, with the possible benefit of also weakening Precursor-Geiszler.”

“How did you arrive at this hypothesis?” Hermann inquires.

“We have run numerous tests in the last few days and compared it to his medical records, both from the PPDC and Shao Industries. Basically, his scans shows abnormal brain activity. A pattern appears after the second drift with the hivemind, and we think that’s when they started to infiltrate his mind.”

Hermann had imagined something along these lines, but still. _Between 2026 and 2030. Since the second drift._ His brain is reeling from this information. Was Newton drifting when they were together? Were _they_ a result from the Precursors’ control? No. No. _I wanna kiss you_. Newton said that before any of this happened. He realizes his hand is shaking and tightens his hold on the cane.

“What you’re saying is… Newt won’t be completely himself?”

“Unfortunately, it’s what we expect, but we have an idea on how to handle that.”

“Why not the first time? And why not Gottlieb?” Jake asks gesturing in his direction.

“We can’t be sure it was the second drift exactly, because there are no exams between the two. But it makes sense. The first time the Precursors weren’t even aware humans could connect with them through a neural link. The second time, they could have been expecting it, even planned for it. As to why not Dr. Gottlieb, it makes sense taking hold of the mind they had already engaged with.” _And the one most drawn to them_. Hermann can see she’s also thinking that.

“How come no one noticed this abnormal activity before?” Herc demands.

“It’s the kind of thing you only find when you are looking for. I was the one who cleared Dr. Geiszler, and Dr. Gottlieb for that matter, after the breach was closed. Without knowing what I was looking for, there was no way to identify a problem in Dr. Geiszler’s exams.”

Herc nods, apparently satisfied with this explanation. Hermann can’t help but feel some resentment towards her, even if he respects her for admitting it. Everything could have been avoided had she realized something was wrong. He knows this is irrational. Who would have expected a brain washing by aliens? Even so, his mind jumps at the opportunity to deflect some of the guilt he’s been feeling.

“Look, I don’t mean to be the pessimistic one here,” Raleigh sounds apprehensive, “but how can you be sure Newt is still in there?”           

“The fact that he resurfaced at Shao Industries is evidence enough,” she glances at Hermann. Jake had asked a report on that. _With transcribed dialogue, if possible_ , the e-mail said. “His scans also seem to indicate moments of… consciousness, for lack of a better word. We actually believe we can provide further proof of this, but it’s something I’d like to discuss with Dr. Gottlieb in private.” A pause. “There is also the gun.”

“What?” A beat later, he realizes the question came from his lips. He turns to Herc and Jake for an answer. Jake is avoiding his gaze. Herc looks regretful and uneasy, but answers him regardless. “We found a gun at his apartment. It was bought illegally in 2029, but it was never used.”

“It doesn’t seem likely that the Precursors would buy a gun. If they did buy it, it would make more sense to leave it at Shao Industries, where their plan was being executed. The fact that Dr. Geiszler bought a gun could indicate he still had some control back then, especially over his motor functions.”

Why mince words? “We are supposed to be happy he considered suicide?” His question meets an awkward silence, broken by Raleigh’s soft, “No one is saying that, Hermann.” It’s enough to break his outrage and make him regret his lack of control.

“What about the treatment?” Jake braves it out.

“The first step is to kill the kaiju brain. Even if we are correct and this severs the link with the hivemind, Precursor-Geiszler could still fight us. It’s also possible that Dr. Geiszler’s mind has turned inwards. If that’s the case, it won’t be easy for it to come out again. We think this can be best achieved, that is, with the least chance of trauma, through the drift. Which is where Dr. Gottlieb comes in.” He had figured as much. He nods when everyone looks at him. “We need four days before killing the kaiju brain, though.”

Jake nods. “We can arrange for that. One more question… Why have you being keeping him sedated?”

“We think he has more control over his mind while sedated. It seems he has lost control over his motor functions, for instance. So it’s best to take that away from Precursor-Geiszler. Our idea is to leave him under sedation during the whole treatment.”

“That can’t be good for his health,” Raleigh points out.

“It isn’t, but we’ll monitor him.”

“Speaking of risks,” Herc says, “are there any for Dr. Gottlieb?” Hermann hasn’t even considered that.

“The chances of any sort of mind control is unlikely, especially if the Precursors needed the neural link to maintain control over Precursor-Geiszler. But we’ll also be monitoring Dr. Gottlieb’s state throughout the drifts.”

“When do we know he’s completely healed?” Raleigh asks.

“I can’t answer that at this point. We’ll be running tests daily. My hope is that he’ll eventually regain enough control over his body that we won’t have to do the drifts anymore. From there on, we’ll be working with different approaches, including therapy and medication. It’s important to have in mind there’s bound to be psychological damage. Probably a strong PTSD. It will be at least a few months before he can give any intel on the Precursors.”

“Ok, but what about when he wakes up? Or when he has any control over his body? What will happen to him?” Raleigh asks Jake, verbalizing one of Hermann’s concerns.

“We are still sorting some details, but for the foreseeable future Newton will have to stay at the PPDC, being monitored and guarded for as long as it seems necessary.” This also feels rehearsed. Hermann notices Jake isn’t clear on whether Newton is being charged with anything. Maybe that will depend on the information he’s able to give.

“Alright, gents, any more questions?” Herc asks after a moment of silence.

When they all shake their heads, Dr. Costa turns to him. “Is it alright if we continue talking? It won’t take long.”

“Of course.” Herc and Raleigh both pat him on the back when leaving the room, the younger man saying him and Mako will be waiting for his visit.

“Before we start doing the drifts, we need you to do some scans. We have a few days before that, so let me know when it’s best for you.” Hermann nods.

“We’ve been using sensory inputs to help Dr. Geiszler’s mind, such as sound and smell. We don’t want to use anything from his apartment because we can’t be sure it’s truly his. For instance, we’ve searched records and social media for the type of music he usually enjoys.” From the little he knows about her field this seems to make sense. “When it comes to memory, though, smell is a powerful sense. Can you remember if he used to wear something like a cologne?”

“He did wore cologne, yes.” This isn’t the kind of question Hermann’s expecting.

“Do you remember the name? Yours too, if you don’t mind.” Dr. Costa is polite enough to ignore the flush creeping up his neck while he gives her the required information.

“Any other frequent scents in the workspace? Other than possible smells from the kaiju, of course.” A memory comes by, unbidden. _You know I hate how this tea smells, right? But it reminds me of you._

“I, uh, used to drink Earl Grey in the lab.”

Dr. Costa takes note. “Great, thank you. We can work with that. I need to ask you some personal questions, is that alright?” Hermann almost gives a sarcastic retort. He had never felt more under a microscope than now. Not even when some tabloids had reported on their relationship or Newton’s move to Shao Industries.  He manages to hold his tongue, answering with a simple yes.

 “When you two drifted, was the headspace more literal or abstract?”

“Abstract.”

“Did the two of you experienced ghost drifting afterwards?” He nods. “Did the headspace vary?”

“Yes, sometimes it was more… I think the word pilots use is conversational.”

“Did your ghost drifting… change at any point?”

“It started to decrease in… intensity and frequency until it stopped around the time he left the PPDC.”

“Was there any episode of ghost drifting after that?”

Hermann swallows. “I believe so. Twice. I… At the time, I thought he was having nightmares.”

“It was the most logical conclusion,” she smiles sadly. “Do you remember when that was?”

Hermann thinks back. It was around that conference, the one where Newton told him about Alice for the first time. “2031, I think.”

“All right. There’s just one more thing I’d like to discuss with you. As I said before, we think we can provide further proof that Dr. Geiszler’s conscious still exists untouched by the Precursors. We also want some measurement of how much the Precursor-Geiszler’s control was dependent upon his frequent drifts with the kaiju brain. As far as we can tell, you are the only… event that was able to bring Dr. Geiszler out. Given all that, we’d like to try something. We want to wake him up and have you engage him.”

He isn’t sure how he feels about this, mostly because there’s a plethora of thoughts coursing through his mind. Anxiety seems to be winning, though. He’s anxious about this not working. What if what happened at Shao Industries was a fluke? The scientist in front of him believed that wasn’t the case, though. He’s also anxious about this working. If it does, he gets to talk to Newton and… and what? It’ll just be a few moments, it’s not like they can spend any time together. It doesn’t really matter, does it? Of course he’ll do it. He nods.

“Can we do this tomorrow?”

“Yes.” Hermann hesitates. “I- Can I see him? Or should I ask Pentecost?”

“No need. Yes, you can. You are cleared to see him. Dr. Gottlieb, I…” She sighs. “I have no idea what you are going through, but I do know what it’s like to lose someone to these _fuckers_.” The swearing stands out and he can't help but chuckle. Maybe that was the purpose. “There is one thing I must ask of you and that is patience. We are in uncharted territory here, but I can assure you my goal is to treat my patient and my team is doing everything in their power towards that.”

He doesn’t have another alternative, except trusting her.

 

Hermann is alone in his office staring at nothing in particular. He had gone to see Newton. The room isn’t a holding cell; it’s more of a hospital room with adjustments. Newton is even dressed in what looks like a hospital gown. Everything is white, but there is a one-way mirror in one of the walls. There are restraints on his arms and some equipment resembling the one used for drifting on his head. There is a song playing, which he recognizes from a band Newton used to like. There was a doctor there, who was leaving when he entered. She smiled at him. There was also a guard. Her tag name read Zhang. She had a gun, which she assured him was a tranquilizer.

Newton looks… strikingly normal. A bit pale and distressed. But still normal. His brain almost can’t process that. He doesn’t know what he was expecting, but this doesn’t seem fitting. It doesn’t look like he’s been tortured, which surprises Hermann. Newton is mumbling something. He can’t distinguish the words and wants to lean in. He looks up at the guard, who is pretending not to pay attention, but answers his unspoken question anyway. _He does that sometimes_. He wants to hold his hand. Sensory input, right? It can’t be bad. But he doesn’t bring himself to do it. And he doesn’t stay long. There is no point to it, he argues with himself. In reality, seeing the other man like this hurts more than he-

There is a knock at his door. “Come in.” It’s Shao.

He checks his watch. “I thought you’d have gone home by now.”

“I was at K-Watch going over some breach analyses.” Hermann nods. He has no idea why she’s here and is wondering how he can convey his wish for solitude. “I heard there was a meeting to discuss Dr. Geiszler today.” She seems to wait for confirmation and when he doesn’t give any she continues. “How is he?”

_I’m not sure. No one is._ “Under sedation. Unarmed.” He shrugs.

She nods. “Good night, Dr. Gottlieb.” She lingers, as if she wishes to say something else, but decides against it. When she closes the door, he realizes he doesn’t want to be alone. It’s just not her company he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Keep in mind I know zilch about medicine, which means this is all made up.
> 
> The names of K-science divisions were taken from the Pacific Rim Fandom Wiki. 
> 
> From Travis Beacham's tumblr - Headspace: "In an active neural handshake, the melded subconscious of the Jaeger pilots creates a “Headspace" where two minds communicate. Communication is said to feel literal, abstract, subliminal or conversational, depending on the persons involved."


	4. Looking for heaven, found the devil in me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine.

Hermann had nightmares. He had whispers. **I was lured**. He was stupid, egoistic, vain. He wanted to be a part of something bigger. After they won the war, they had gotten plenty of recognition. But a part of him-we-them had somehow convinced the rest of him that no, it wasn’t enough. No one really understood him, not even Hermann. He deserved so much more. **I don’t deserve shit**.

He sometimes thinks he was protecting Hermann when he left, but in truth he isn’t sure how he came to the decision of leaving. Hermann was like a tether to the real world, it makes sense he-we-they would want to leave him. He fell into a trap. His motor function was one of the first things to go. It's despairing watching his body move without being the one in charge of those synapses. It was his fault. Alice. **It was all my fault**.

They have pieces of him intertwined with them- it’s hard to define somethings- _this planet is ours this species is_ \- **STOP**. Parts of him were taken. This parts that say these crazy things. It seemed like his brain acted like a corned animal. It started to retreat and isolate anything it could get its hands on when it noticed the kind of threat it was under. It was too late, though. There was little to protect and these walls are paper-thin. At least, in one direction. **I mostly can’t get out, but stuff gets in**. Mostly the parts of him that have been colonized.

There are some things that are all them. **I can’t touch them**. But sometimes he feels them, this foreign limitless conglomerate. The alien hivemind that so intrigued him. Now there’s only dread and anxiety. And they push. **They know I’m hiding**. 

Sometimes he can’t feel time and he goes from one season to another in a blink of an eye. He notices marked days in a calendar. Days he doesn’t remember living. Other times he’s painfully aware of _everything_ we-they are doing. He can’t undo them, stop this madness from unfolding, this infestation from taking over his whole body, this Shao code from being rewritten. In the begging, it felt empowering, like he could be the best version of himself. There’s hardly any **self** left now.

He should kill himself. He thinks this a number of times and tries a few. He goes up to some random roof but loses his nerve. Or we-they take control. He isn’t sure which. That makes him happy in a twisted way, because maybe he’s not such a coward. _Who the fuck are you trying to fool?_ He buys a gun, but we-they throw it away.

Even in the midst of all this confusion, this hopeless disorientation, he doesn’t want to die. He doesn’t want to cease to exist. There’s still enough of him. Maybe there is a way. Maybe he can still do something. Help! **I could ask for help** ; if he focuses, he could take control even if it is only for a second. He tries, unsuccessfully, with some people. Until he realizes he’s going to meet Hermann. He’s sure this is going to work with him, Hermann knows him.

You should meet Alice. **What the fuck?** That doesn’t seem like the smartest way to ask for help. Last time he checked he’s a smart guy. Maybe he has lost that too. Why not scream PRECURSORS IN MY HEAD? He hurts Hermann and realizes it’s too late. He can’t ask for help if he can’t control his speak. **I’m not strong enough.**

He knows- he thinks he knows- he was recently at the PPDC. He remembers Hermann. He left him. Why did he leave? He was stupid, egoistic, vain. Oh yeah. He vividly remembers the feeling of Hermann’s skin under his hands. (Newton, you are a good man). While he was choking him. **They were**. _You were, you weak piece of shit_. **No, it was them, I’d never hurt Hermann**. **I told him I was sorry**. _We were trying to end the fucking world. You thought what? Hermann wouldn’t die along with the rest of our pathetic species_ - **STOP**. We-they are so repetitive and boring. **How was I lured into this?** Stupid, egoistic, vain. **Right**. _Adoration_. _Veneration_. **No, that was never it**. _Sure it was. You thought they were cool. Awesome. You brought this on yourself, dumbass._

He thinks this is the longest he’s been conscious in a while. There’s too many thoughts lately. Maybe it’s a good time to take stock. The last date he remembers seeing is 2035, which means he spent ten years under the Precursors’ influence.  That first year it was a small budding seed, but he’s almost sure it was there. He thinks his memory gaps started somewhere around 2029. He remembers waking up one day and being in 2030. That means somewhere along 2030 he lost control over his body. _You were so eager to give us full control, didn’t want to be responsible, wanted to be_ - **SHUT UP**. If it really is 2035, that makes five to six years under their control. **Fuck**. There is this weird sound and he realizes he’s laughing. Or what passes for laughing in his mind. **I’m never getting out of this. I should’ve just killed myself.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The idea was for this chapter to be erratic and non-linear to evoke Newt's confusion. It was supposed to be a somewhat controlled mess. It's highly possible that I lost my hand.


	5. And I heard your voice as clear as day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter title is from Only if for a Night by Florence and the Machine.

Treating Jaeger pilots had always been an exercise in walking the line and going in blind. Especially in the beginning, when the pressure for positive outcomes was sky high and Lightcap was still figuring out the drift. By now, they had protocols and experience. They were still exploring several avenues of research regarding the drift, but there are some routine to her work. Or, at least, there was.

Part of her wishes she had retired before this whole thing. Bought that boat she and her wife kept talking about and just went sailing. Another part is… well, exhilarated. Unique didn’t even began describing this case. She was old enough not to feel ashamed for her interest in her profession, but age didn’t do anything to assuage her guilt. It was impossible to notice something amiss in Geiszler’s scans from ten years ago, unless you knew what you were looking for. She knew this. She had repeated it so many times it was becoming a mantra. Still… how much suffering could she have avoided?

Her job in this is to treat her patient, but she isn’t naïve. To maintain this plan afloat they need to show positive results. Marshal Hansen, who seems genuinely concerned about Geiszler, is in charge for now. She imagines he’s selling this plan to the UN with promises of information about the Precursors and the Anteverse. Which, of course, would be crucial to the war they are planning.

She was surprised there was no attempt at torture. She’s not sure if this is due to Pentecost and Lambert’s decency, inexperience or if they heeded her recommendation. Torture wouldn’t work and she made sure to advice against it on paper. To the Precursors, Geiszler’s body is just a vessel, which they can’t even use it anymore. Right now, she’s grateful the main concern of the people directly involved in this is her patient’s care.

With all this in mind, they could use some good results from this session with Geiszler awake. Best-case scenario is the man himself actually surfacing, no matter how short a period. But she’s would settle for brain activity showing he’s responding to the situation. Which leads her to Gottlieb.

The man was an assortment of idiosyncrasies. Dressed liked an armor, he was less shy than he appeared. More embarrassed to discuss his cologne than their drifting.  Fiercely protective of a man whom, for all intents and purposes, had left him. She hadn’t had much contact with him until now and she wondered which parts were leftover from his drift with Geiszler. There was only so much his RH file could tell her. He was an asset in Geiszler’s healing, but also a significant other. His involvement was completely unorthodox. Again, unique didn’t even began describing this case. There is a quick knock and her door opens.  

“Everything is set up and Dr. Gottlieb is downstairs.”

“Thank you, Akane, I’m coming.” She leaves her office with the tea she’d been brewing. One flight of stairs later and she is at the door to her patient’s room – She still doesn’t know why, but she asked for a temporary office near Geiszler.

“Dr. Gottlieb. Anything you want to ask before we go in?” She nodded towards the door.

“Yes, uh, just…” His gaze is resolutely avoiding the door. He is more nervous she thought he would be. Understandable… _especially if he still cares for Geiszler_. “How do I address… You said pronouns are important. Which one do I use?”

“If Dr. Geiszler shows up, differentiate _you_ from _them_.” He nodded. “Remember, the important thing is to talk _to_ Dr. Geiszler. It’s ok to tell him we’re trying to help, but don’t mentioned the kaiju brain and our plan for it. Bring up topics that he would react to.” From the look on his face, he had already guessed as much. The look of a man who doesn't suffer fools. He probably wore it often.

“And if he doesn’t?”

She hands him the mug, “To the best of your ability, answer them and try another one.” He raises an eyebrow at the proffered mug, “You don’t have to drink if you don’t want to.” Another nod. “I don’t know if you’ve met her, but Dr. Himura is one of the neurologists on our team.”

He gives her a tight smile, “Briefly.”

“She’s going to stand behind him analyzing brain scans and signaling us. A thumbs up means there are signs Dr. Geiszler is emerging and a thumbs down means stress, and we should start to wrap up. Shall we?” They both nod and she opens the door.

There are two chairs in the middle of the room, one of them already holding her tied patient. She greets Zhang and exchanges a few quiet words with her in order to give Gottlieb a few moments to adjust. Akane seems to be doing the same, since she is fussing over equipment already in place. She turns when she hears him sitting in the vacant chair.

She leans on the wall where she can watch both men. “Wake him up, Akane.”

Precursor-Geiszler starts laughing wildly when he sees the other man in the room. Not a great start, but if years of tending to patients have taught her anything is how to school her face. The last thing Gottlieb needs is to be disencouraged.

“I can’t fucking believe it. This is your plan? Your shitty species is so _dumb_ , you think you can get your precious Newt back with _love_? Don’t you have any dignity left, man? He _left_ you.”

This is different from what Gottlieb reported about their conversation at Shao Industries. The Precursors were differentiating between them and Geiszler. Probably meant to hurt the other man by implying they didn’t influence Geiszler decision to leave. Gottlieb is quiet, which is to be expected. She imagines he’s been wondering that himself. She drops her clipboard managing to interrupt Precursor-Geiszler. Gottlieb sees this for what it is and fills the silence.

“Do you remember that conference in Rio?”

Precursor-Geiszler scoffs, “I remember you trying to flirt with a guy who was way out of your league.”

Gottlieb actually chuckles “Well, yeah. Or, how you put it back then, ‘what an asshole’.”

“Now I think the guy was dodging a bullet.”

“Of course you do,” Gottlieb dismisses this taking a sip of his tea and seems pleasantly surprised by it. She was right. No sugar. People are often predictable.

“You were right about the bathtub, you know, it’s great.” She stops her notes. _And sometimes they surprise you in ways you never see it coming._

“What?” There is suspicion and confusion on Precursor-Geiszler’s face and we get a thumbs up from Akane. Gottlieb’s face lights up. “The apartment near that Italian place you love. The one with the, uh, aforementioned bathtub.” Gottlieb is clearly embarrassed.

Geiszler starts frowning and struggles to speak, “And… and the… the cat?” Geiszler sounds unsure but Gottlieb leans forward. “I was waiting for you to go to the shelter.”

“A black cat. We were going to get a black cat cause people are dumb and don’t like them. You grumpily agreed to call her Miss Kitty Fantastico.” Geiszler is blinking, as if he is seeing clear for the first time in a while, “Hermann…” Geiszler smiles. This is definitely him, judging by Akane’s enthusiasm reading the scans and Gottlieb’s reaction. It was nice finally seeing her real patient. By the look on his face, he adored the man sitting in front of him.

Geiszler’s smile quickly fades. “I hurt you,” he says trying to look at Gottlieb’s neck. Thumbs down.

“I’m alright, Newt, don’t worry about it.”

“But I-“

“I’m alright,” Gottlieb asserts frantically. “We’re looking for ways to help you. You have to… to stay strong and, uh, fight,” Gottlieb is definitely not good with providing encouragement. “We’re going to get you out of there.”

Thumbs down again. Geiszler’s look is bleak. “I don’t know if you can do that.”

She motions for Akane to take Geiszler out. When it happens Gottlieb turns towards, face livid. “He was here!” She starts to leave the room so Akane and Zhang can tidy things up and he hesitantly follows her.

As soon as she closes the door she says, “Yes, he was. That’s great news! But we got the result and readings we wanted, the chances of him retreating when he became stressed enough were high. It’s best to sedate him while he was in control.”

No longer nervous, his gaze wanders from her to the closed door. She imagines he doesn’t know how much longing and angst his face is showing. She takes the mug from his hands and briefly considers hugging him. She settles for a smile and a hand on his shoulder. “This was better than we expected, Dr. Gottlieb. It bodes well for our treatment plan.”

He sighs and gives a sharp nod. “Thank you for the tea.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi to anyone who is still reading this =)
> 
> First of all, this is not beta read. This chapter was actually supposed to be longer, but I decided to break it.
> 
> Second, I wanna thank my friend ghost_stories for pushing me, in the best way possible, to get back to this. Not that I intended to drop it, exactly. It's a slow going, but it's going.


End file.
